As we bid Adieu to 2017 , most of us have a checklist and number of things to be done in the upcoming year.
From the most popular of acquiring a gym membership to resisting desserts , from being a changed person to the promise of not taking anyone’s shit, from trying to build an another you to leaving behind every fragment of mixed feelings that has lingered around. There is something and so many things in our mind that feels the need of a start afresh.
All these years, I’ve done the same too. But I’m definitely sure how this year’s going to be the most different and maybe years after if I read this post, it shall remind me about how I sat in my cozy blanket at my place with closed windows and doors and heartfelt heavy emotions typing unstoppabley on the portable device maturely knowing the only actual thing I shall be changing from tommorow is the Calender.
However, I still hope all of you have a great year ahead. Keep going on now matter what. You deserve it.
Lots of Love,
We cross 1k followers. Thank you everyone.
# Last Post of this year .
Let the countdowns begin.
To begin with , we all know why each one of us is here.
Some like to write, read or analyze and critically appreciate. However, we all do seem like little tiny identical objects floating in the same water. As I was going through my drafts, I came across a several things that I have not yet posted and to be very honest, I cannot figure out why.
There’s just a small question in my mind that asks if there are other people or anyone of you who has something that hasn’t been put up yet despite of any reason.
It could be a fear of not reaching the level of perfection that you thought towards your piece when you thought it, could be having your writing so strong that you thought it could possibly affect somebody close or personal , could be something so ardent and impassioned that you thought it shall intimidate people and nobody would actually get the real crux of it or you are just the damn lazy ass who never freaking completed it.
Reason, a many but the result is same. I don’t know if it’s just me or there are many others with it. Do let me know.
And also since, 2017 has been coming to an end , many of you have also been requesting to do a questionnaire regarding anything you’ve ever wanted to know. For example, what’s my favorite food ? 😂 or what would I do if I had to chose between two things. Whatever comes to your mind, I will definitely answer everything in my next post linking you.
Lots of Love
#HappyHolidays. 🎊 🎈
I had tripped and slipped over a stone . I was sitting on a concrete floor, a floor so hard and concrete that made you colder, I sat there with minute scratches on my elbow and other places and a heavily bleeding knee. I sat there crying for help and watched a truck loads of people pass by me . People of different colors, genders, age groups , some with files in their hands, mother’s with strollers in one hand and bags in the other, some people wandering here and there with guide maps looking lost and confused, tourists maybe. A group of teens extremely overjoyed as they seemed tossing a ball over each other. Everyone in a hurry heading to their destination barely noticing my highlighted knee. I never felt so lonely in a place full of crowd that was void of turning their pupils a little away from where they wanted to go. In the meanwhile, a little boy with a face that appeared to me unwashed and quite unkept and slight scratches on his half torn schoolbag came up to me and asked if I needed water to wash my wound. Exactly the moment, I woke up from my dream with a sudden stroke.
I failed to make out what bled more, My knee or my heart ? 😌
This world a place of known strangers. Let me know your views.
If you are not thinking of me during the mistake you have been making. If your conscience is not shattering your inner self or your shadows not showing your reality ,
If you ONLY feel guilt when you are alone within four dark walls without me by your side and not in your proper consciousness,
If your heart does not slam you each time you are about the repeat the same mistake or your brain shows no warning,
If your fingers do not shiver when you type for me or your eyes don’t choke,
If you feel sorry is just another word meant to be said and it is not the emotion that is tearing through your guts and building your tear blocks ,
If it is not meant to be genuine but like erasing your mistake to create space for better ones.
Then, Do NOT ‘SORRY’ Me 😌
If I’ve come this far, I shall pretty much be able to handle whatever’s next.
I , from this very moment, not any more drop a single weep casting any regret. I don’t no more hover in the streets of nowhere and pitch my best to what’s next. I understand that there isn’t any scope for a human being in my life who roots to unwillingness . I will not pressurize my mind & soul to drown in the intensity of any situation that is a threat to my stability and well being . The same butter that melts on high temperatures also hardens strong enough to break down when all the chills are upon it. No freckle on my body says it’s ashamed of itself & no flaw an imperfection. I will let mistakes teach me but not stop me. My heart that has been in places where it could not get owned & places where it did not want to be owned. My heart and mind however , at the end of the day should not by me , disowned. Not every pain was a necessary display or every smile ,a real one but every intention , gentle and pure. Pride and esteem never wore a costume & how little sweeps have covered every inch of the bathroom. If a flower appears dead to me, I will approach a garden but never get comfortable with the state of not trying. My blood cold towards injustice and water to discontentment. But after every day, I will remind this to myself. My pain letter didn’t have to be the one describing every hurt but it had to show how getting hurt is still easy and overcoming phase is worse. My prayers to anyone and everyone going through anything in their lives. It shall pass. This was my Scarlet Letter, my shade of pain.
Not in the curling lashes,
or in those glamorous glasses.
Not in her heavy jewelry,
or the matte shade of blueberry.
Not in her perfume of heaven,
or the magic that makes you feel her absence.
Not really that shining face,
or her numerous attended dates.
Not everytime as somebody’s muse,
Nothing like her beauty that screamed from her bruise .
I tell you here , there is no denial
I sat on a heavy night as fight in my trials.
Weaving many things together for a conclusion,
The one I couldn’t reach, maybe for a lack of reason.
I heaved a sigh and looked up ,
My eyes fall on the hardbound brown diary sitting on the shelf right on the top.
Opening it again ,I felt was a must
As what it collected was much more than dust.
I went through the pages, that feeling I couldn’t help,
as the pages rolled, the fight within felt closer to myself.
I read, I understood and embraced my motive that had started to fade,
Emotions and pain, for which I had the diary made.
One more thing yet again I discovered,
I already knew where I stood in everyone’s life,
I knew it better. 😌
Use your expensive shower gel that has been in the corner but is avoided every day due to the ‘quick shower , running late ‘ routine .
That favourite restaurant of yours? that you haven’t visited with your beloved due to hectic schedule , is desperate to see your face.
Your adventure backpack and sport shoes have become best friends talking about how much they need to go out.
The gram flour and lemon have almost resisted themselves from any curry to be the part of your crazy D.I.Y’s.
Your house is giving you every signal with the cobwebs and dust wanting you to understand it also needs some attention.
Your phone is tired of being held,
That laptop heated with workload,
And your mind flowing with stress .
But you don’t exactly need a vacation, you just need a break.
Don’t be afraid to take it.
Do share with me, what you do.
I’m not the prefect daughter,
I made a lot of mistakes that sometimes hurt the temperament of my parents.
I’m not the prefect sister,
I busted some of my brother’s secrets to my parents when I was small & ate his cake too.
I’m not the perfect friend,
I maintained distance according to my moods and did what I wanted to.
I’m not the prefect lover,
I have some of my days wrapped in insecurities and questions for nothing.
I am that spilled and scattered mess that still chose to drive through this, I may not be your idea of perfection but then who is anyway ?
Hardest thing ain’t no metal,
Nor I imagine a plated medal.
Hardest thing is not what you can’t push away,
But, I believe it’s when you have nothing to say.
Hardest thing is not a chest stroked with a sword ,
But when you feel so much pain, and can’t put it in words.
#Just a midnight thing.