We have always expressed the inner voice or haven’t. We gracefully miss out the art of listening. When someone wants to speak, someone just wants to be heard, maybe all times or one time or only last time. Be that person, listen to someone today. 🙂
(Picture : self)
I fall and scatter so many times,
I’m struggling to make this rhyme.
I sit in dark rooms and closed doors,
A little too attached to cold hard floors.
I feel absence ,
I also crave distance .
I’m trying to get this together,
A little something to make me feel better.
My favorite book in front of me,
My mind running in some garden, in those trees.
I’m trying to leave a mark,
But isn’t this night unusually dark?
I’m needing this motion, needing the heart,
Just how it was so fearless from the start.
I’m sitting by the window ; watching it rain ,
It’s fully open, this wooden pane.
Maybe I had some plans, I was supposed to dine.
I’m just chilling by the air, I know I will be fine.
Let me know if it’s okay to cancel on everything so you can have this time for yourself . To for a moment believe that it’s going to be okay. Maybe not now but eventually.
My motive was not to scare you.
But putting forward a fact that is to most degrees, universal.
I’m usually the one to believe in signs and what a particular incident or situation is trying to tell me. But, we fall back and please let’s just admit that we all do .
To make things a bit more specific let me break the bread here : You know how on some nights you are so excited about certain things to happen to you and have imaginary scenarios playing in your head like LA LA Land ? But instead what really happened was nothing or every plan getting cancelled? OR Days when you thought nothing is ever going to happen that could possibly lift your spirits and you might as well be a lizard on somebody’s wall but something so good happens you doubt how that ever happened to you.
Not just with plannings , events or situations but in the larger picture, most of the time whatever you planned is not going to happen.
And let that not dishearten you because trust me for a second when I say this, something worse or better could happen to you but that’s what is going to matter ahead when you connect the dots. Maybe sometime later you shall say, ‘ Now I understand what happened and why and maybe back then it was the best thing that could have happened to me ‘
(Speaking from personal experiences : Wayyyy tooooooo manyyy)
If things aren’t going your way, Patience sounds like the least thing in the world one would want to resort to buy hold up people, it’s coming!
Recovering a bit from all the cold and soreness I suffered.
10 pm : It’s going to be another night of the dark. The ravens & Doves shall be nesting, the beasts resting and we know it’s going to be just fine.
11 pm : An hour for another day to begin . Another day of possibilities, opportunities , rejection, peace & benevolence.
12 am : The zero hour of the end and a beggining . The nerves rush of facing fears and winning over .
1 am : The clicking of toes, the shuddering of heart . The choking on tears & tearing apart.
2 am : The putting away of the tear drenched cloth , the drying of hand. The deep breaths that follow & time like slipping sand.
3 am : The sitting back up, eyes wide open. The moving along this wave, hearts that reopen.
4 am : Droopy little, clearer dreams. Dawn that’s drawing , no more pulling apart at the seems.
5 am : Smiles and sunrise that recover, The terrors of night that’s over and under.
It has passed and shall will, Experience that’s deepened but how beautiful to move on like nothing ever happened.
We are all warriors.
We begin to rise and tend to fall twice.
If this is a theory, I need wikipedia to explain me why ?
I need to know if the things move in circles. All that in our actions we do. Few days at a stretch I’m in my bests feeling nothing could ever go wrong, that I shall not submit and be the best of me.
The other moment I’m standing right in front of something unable to do what I know I exactly should be doing and NO, it is not depression.
I’m not depressed. I believe we humans are designed to have it this way . To be a ten and a zero all at once.
If you think there is an end, there isn’t.
Did a cake and chocolate just cross your mind?
Resssst your brain.
According to IST 12.00 am on June 27 , 2018 . I turn 21. Not too sure if it’s the age’s maturity OR having had enough of cakes since the past 20 years , a cake was the last thing I would look for on a birthday.
Moving on to celebration, I do not believe in particular occasions cause for me any time with your friends and family that you feel loved and blessed, is one. Given that some of my best buddies live outstation making us meet occasionaly and was a feeling I was not ready to welcome.
However, this time , I tried to do something for myself. I tried breaking the shackles of restriction. I decided on having to meet some pals,make some friends and try having a good day. After all, personal growth is something my people would have loved. Isn’t it?
To sum it up , I received some beautiful letters as night from my best friend who stays away. She has been writing since quite the beginning of the month. How beautiful it is to have someone make 5 minutes of their day for you so they know you’re doing good. These are things not to be taken for granted and for a moment , someone wishing and praying for you could be the reason you’re even alive.
Please be grateful for whatever you have and learn to move from whatever you’ve ever lost.
Also, if you ever feel that nobody loves you, wait till your birthday. 😂
Image : Self
Let’s just say how two things shall differ so much from the other. The monsoon in India has finally begun. Too much of a good news to anyone who likes their coffee better with rains.
Would it be wrong if I said I Lust for rain? Or shall love be the appropriate. I also fail to distinguish from where this love comes from. I was born during the monsoon ,so maybe?
However, lusting for this particular season makes me understand and love things. I’d rather have cancelled plans and enjoy a book than going out to hot summery days or wintery nights. The feel of having water soaking up this earth after long months of dry and the chilly weather is when I can finally rest.
To sum it all, how much ever you love something, it’s value doubles up when you are with your loved ones. Some work always keeps me busy but needless to say, I miss my pals and wish for the day to have them besides soon!
Who else is a monsoon baby?
So many words that you can see,
A lot of which you may not agree.
My body’s a little inked, scratched & crushed ,
But I see how on most days, I’m the only one you’d trust.
On days I’m decorated in doodles of joy,
The other I’m withering with your tears of coy.
I’ve known actions deliberate,
Don’t you hold back, let them liberate.
Don’t you worry about all your rages,
It all stays in between my folded pages.
P. S : Someone’s Human Diary.
Are you somebody’s too?
When I say summer, please think of holidays.
It’s blazing heat in here.
All Indians , you know what I’m talking about.
We have always pictured our summers with, Fat fleshy mangoes & Round red looking watermelons , staying indoors and sipping in ‘Glucon D’ ( the Indian drink for glucose) , heavy evening winds with a densely setting sun , let’s not forget the ‘Nimbu -Paani’ ( Lemonade ) ft. increasing love and familiarity with Amul (Ice Creams and Drinks) . If you cannot relate, is Atlanta your home?
When we were younger, we just had the so called ‘pressure’ of having to complete the Holiday Homework’s. But as you grow, you know life does not stop for you and HOLIDAYS (equals) Some more isolation , Looking at other people on vacation and trying to think what sin in your previous birth makes you sit here , doubled up procrastination and the kind of sleep that exhausts you more, unexpected unhealthy food binges and the not so confident mirror experience.
Here’s what you can do and a few things I’m willing to / have started doing.
- First things things. Do SOMETHING. ANYTHING.
- Delete what makes you unhappy or threatens your mental peace. (I’m off instagram and facebook already)
- Have you tried YouTube? ( discover what you love, get some motivation or just watch a cute puppy dammit.)
- Try something new. Sounds strange but I’ve been doodling since a few days and believe it or not, I enjoy it!! I’m also thinking to start baking (I mean what better if your hard work gives sweet results). There is never the right moment to begin something so just attack.
- Go out and by that I do not mean bottoms up with vodka or whisky or whatever (once in a while doesn’t hurt though.) but when I say go out , it means move that lazy ass out of that couch and take in the breeze. It’s beautiful in the evenings anyway.
- Set goals and achieve them. Again, not goals like ‘ I shall become the CEO with the hottest body ‘ but goals that are minimal efficient and that can be achieved. Goals like, 10 books this summer, learn a new language or emit junk and go green .Anything that helps you grow needs your attention.
Whatever you do , be productive. I’m glad to rise and to realise and figure out what I need to do and trying to maintain it.
Do remember, you do not have to be hard on yourself (any season, any day) It’s your body, let it breathe.
The key to a good life lies in keeping yourself busy ( even if you’re trying to set a record of sleeping) For once, trust me. Have a nice Indian Summer.
(that reminds me that there’s a movie called Indian Summer, which I’m yet to watch. I’m trying to watch one movie everyday so spare me , it’s movie time.)
From a Mother’s Diary
Today I went by her room,
The one that she had filled much with darkness and gloom.
Her curtains drawn closed and tact,
From when has she been falling apart?
She spoke to me of things and places,
A battlefield, her mind was full of sad traces.
Her pillow was stained, her bed not neat ;
What possibly made her ever feel this incomplete?
I could see her pain, I could feel her burn
I’ve watched the rain, wishing to be the sun.
I knew not why, the mothers heart made of what ,
The pain in her nerves, the roar through her guts.
Lose pages scattered everywhere,
Some filled with dreams, others with nightmares.
I wished to make out, what she has been feeling
To pray for her strength and for her healing .
I wish her pains could be mine in a twirl,
She was born from my womb, my baby girl.
Your mother, your sister or your wife.
Having a girl in your life is very precious. Protect her, Respect her and Love her.